My middle name is Slaughter. My university's mascot is a Spartan. I eat dirt for breakfast and lunch, only to be followed up with blood and the hearts of small animals for dinner.

I just moved to Sebastian, FL, and was recommended Adventure Racing (because the shirts are sooo cute). In order to get a tshirt, I've got to do the race. And I don't want to do it alone.

I'm looking for someone to compete with. Someone to join my team, or a team for me to join.

Here's what I bring to the table:

* A merit badge in Orienteering, circa 1998
* Solid paddling arms (which moonlight as keg-stand arms)
* The bike maneuvering skills of a wombat
* The ability to defend you, and your honor, from vicious predators with walking staffs and my karate-chopping hands

If you've got room in your team, or want to join Team XXXXXX-Slaughter, I am actively seeking partners.

Please fill out the following Mad Lib to apply.


Yes, Casey, I'd love to join you on this incredible ________ (synonym for 'race'), just for the sake of ________ (exciting prize). Using my ________ (something you don't actually have), I will help our ________ (sexy adjective) team to an ________ (buzzword) victory. You can call me ________ (warrior name).


Looking forward to reviewing applications.

Yes, Casey, I'd love to join you on this incredible odyssey (synonym for 'race'), just for the sake of _glory_______ (exciting prize). Using my _black magic_______ (something you don't actually have), I will help our __SEAL______ ( adjective) team to an ___fist pumping_____ (buzzword) victory. You can call me __Lex______ (warrior name).



Hope to hear from you Spartan!

Lex!

Nooooo! I thought it was a futile attempt to find a partner. I've made plans for a work conference Wed-Sun this week. I can't make it!

OTHER RACERS - Lex is obviously GOOD PEOPLE. Bring him on your team!